Being too honest with my inner feelings:
It all began at the age of innocence
When beauty around me mesmerized my every
senses
In a time where curiosity prevailed
And where I wondered how splendid it would all become
Fragile happiness of the
lighthearted
Weightless, sparkling with unfoldment, sheltered
Passionated with blooming hopes of artlessness
Early on I
started feeling disquieted when surrounded
Not as if I had something uncommon or dysfunctional
But because I didn't seem to
correspond to any acting role
I wasn't able to deal with the predefine or unalterable
So I would rarely share my inner sanctum with
any outsider
And that's why I start sinking into dreams
I still vividly remember how easily I was distracted from physical
world
I carried on, trying to figure what was wrong
Nothing seemed to explain or sooth the angst
Like if I had been born cursed
of heart in an alien world
Many times I have found myself studying those of my kind
And so on, I mimicked their habits to be left
alone
Experiences weren't strong enough to support my toughs
So I left everything and let myself fall inside:
That's when
negativity and darkness started pouring in
A storm of twisted hateful toughs started inhabiting my life
I craved vengeance and
obscure forces around me
That's where I first skimmed the potential of solitude and bereavement
This unearthly feeling which had
materialized
Through shades of vicious self-violation
I had roused at that point something I couldn't even harness
Much as
happened since then, perspective morphed, darkness coalesced
I don't think I was part of evil
But maybe the purest lightsource,
wasted
By a darkness so easily re-creatable through deceived hopes
This slab of existence might sound exacerbate or epic in
retrospect from far away
But if you were part in any way in this nightmare, don't ever cross my path again.